Short and sweet for today…
Just after I christened this site, I had an experience that–although not physically damaging–caused a lot of emotional damage. I won’t go into it right now, but it was enough to make me forget I had a place where I could explore myself.
Over the course of the 12 days since my introduction, I have experienced an emotional crash, a surge of deep anger, an incredible need to share, and–finally–total acceptance. Here is a summary of what occurred.
My husband went off-island to undergo angioplasty. He didn’t want me with him, claiming expense. That was the surface reason, but that wasn’t the real reason. However, that’s what I’ll go with. While he was away, I experienced such an emotional peace that I was glad he didn’t want me along. I finally had some time to regain my own personhood, and it would be at least 3 weeks before his return. Well, because there turned out to be no need to insert stents, he returned only a week after he left. When he called to let me know, my world collapsed. Clearly, there was no time to find myself again–that person I was before we married 23+ years ago. Since then, I have been posting on Facebook, and generally sharing feelings that I learned are shared by more other women than I expected to hear from. I tried to respond to each individually while continuing to analyze my misery during my marriage. To be honest, I learned much about myself and this relationship through that sharing back and forth, and began to look at this experience more objectively. So it came as no surprise to feel the shaft drop yesterday, and the realization that all would be well with me. Eventually.
Because I shared publicly, others were able to share privately. This is a shared journey I am on. I am not alone, and they are not alone. But it may change the direction of my reflections, from the general life experience commentary to a more focused discovery of personal growth that can start this late in life.
This particular post is purposely vague because I am no longer clear on what this journey will become. I am certain that things will appear on this site that are of a personal nature. Those will be shared to help others in similar emotionally abusive relationships know that they are not alone. Other posts will be focused on general observations prompted by an everyday occurrence, or something I read or heard… I do not expect this to be a “bashing” place. I expect it to be a place of sharing hope and positive energies and stories of recent social and historical events.
If you are following this blog, please have patience with me. Read those posts of interest to you, skip those you have no time for, provide an alternate view point, etc. Just please do not bash. We are all fragile just because of our very human-ness. Disagree carefully and without intent to harm. Share, if you wish. Suggest a new topic. Just keep this blog site safe from the emotional abuse that some readers might be fighting or have fought. And let’s see together where this road leads.